Saturday, November 20, 2004

This is an open letter to Afonso, wrote by another friend, Randy. wherever you are right now, keep holding on to God, and everything will gonna be all right...

The life you're having right now is nothing compared with what I had been through. Look at me, I PUSH each time I was down and troubled. Life is beautiful, let's count our blessings. You have a lot to thank God for, you're not alone. Randy and I are here for you....

Hi Afonso,

I am Randy Hicks (RWO), a friend of Laila's. She has been a little worried about you and asked if I could give you a little moral support.

While I do not know much about your current situation, I have had a few hard times in my life and know the feeling of hopelessness and loneliness. I grew up in a very poor and abusive environment as a child. As soon as I graduated from High School I had the opportunity to bail out of that situation and did, I joined the United States Navy.

It wasn't an easy life at first, as I was away from familiar surroundings and amongst many folks i did not know, I felt fairly out of place. I decided to devote my time to learning my Navy trade. Eventually I made a few friends and actually met a woman, the first that showed any interest in me.

We got married and times were hard as I was so junior in the ranks. Also she got pregnant right away, so we had that added expense. To make matters worse I got orders to my first ship and found that it was home ported in Japan. She was to pregnant to travel and was having difficulties with the pregnancy so i went to japan on my own.

After she had my first daughter, we finally managed to scrape together enough money for her to come to Japan, which she did. Since I was on a ship it was gone all the time. She got pregnant again, but later I found out the baby was not mine. I was crushed and suicidal. I sent her back home to her mother and as soon as i finished my tour we divorced.

I then met the next woman of my dreams. We were the same age and shared the same interests. We married and a few months later i came home from work to an empty house. She had moved out and had taken all the furniture and everything I had bought with her. It turned out that she was gay and had married me as I had saved quite a bit of money by that time. I was a stepping stone to some material things she wanted to get, as well as she was in the Navy and some stories had circulated, that she was gay. By marrying me, she stopped the rumors and got the material items.

After that divorce, I did get my furniture back, by the way, I basically swore off women for a while, then one day at the base bowling alley a woman came up to me and asked me a question about my rating and how to change rates. I was very abrupt and downright rude. She saw me several times over the next few days and we eventually made friends, got married and 22 years later are still together.

I also managed in that time to advance from enlisted to the officer ranks and basically turned my life around. I would like to point out that all this happened when I was not looking for a relationship. Relationships happen that way. You never know when or where you will meet that person that is right for you.

If I had been successful in my attempts to commit suicide during the breakup of my first marriage, I wouldn't have had the successful life I have now. I own a home, have five great children though they sometimes can try my patience.

I would suggest that when times are hard, and life seems to be kicking you down that you look at two things. First look at the happy times in your life and at some of the things you have done to positively affect other people. Throughout you life I know you have helped someone, made their life better. Remember, what goes around comes around. When you help someone it eventually will come back to help you.

Second, when things are bad look at it in a way that things can't get worse, so things will get better. Have a little patience, give things time to happen for you.

I know this is unsolicited, and I hope you don't get offended. There are a lot of people out there that support and care for you and you probably don't even realize it. Take care my friend and turn that frown into a smile.

Things may be bad now, but they will get better.

Randy